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karen
Upstart Joined: 26 Jun 2007 Posts: 8	Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 5:38 am    Post subject: Dinner etiquette, hosts and hostesses   When the hostess is a single young lady (living with a companion) what is the procedure for leading guests into dinner? Is it correct that the hostess will escort the highest ranking male and female into the dining room and the hostess will be at the head of the table and the highest ranking male at the foot? But then where does the highest ranking female go and what about the companion? Also if there were, say 20 people, was there one massive rectangular dining table or smaller tables joined up or small tables scattered about the room? Thanks for any responses.
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Candice
Queen of the Board Joined: 14 Sep 2006 Posts: 2731 Location: Minneapolis, MN	Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:59 am    Post subject: Re: Dinner when hostess is a single young lady?   karen wrote: When the hostess is a single young lady (living with a companion) what is the procedure for leading guests into dinner? First off, how young? If she is truly a young girl out for a Seaon, ie on the Marriage Mart etc, then she would not be hosting anything. It would still be a bit scandalous that she was not living under the protection of a relative. If she is an unmarried woman of a certain age (ie too old for the Marriage Mart, too young for the nursing home) she might be accepted as a society hostess. karen wrote: Is it correct that the hostess will escort the highest ranking male and female into the dining room and the hostess will be at the head of the table and the highest ranking male at the foot? But then where does the highest ranking female go and what about the companion? The hostess would always have someone who acted as host. An uncle or some other relative, for example. There needs to be a host do the honors of the after-dinner cigars and port etc. when only the gentlemen are present. So your unmarried hostess must have SOMEONE to act as host. He would sit at one end of the table, the hostess at the other. The order of precedence comes into play when entering the dining room, but not necessarily in regard to seating. The host and hostess would each escort the highest ranking female and male guest into the dining room, but not necessary to sit beside them. If the Prince Regent came to dinner, for example, he would likely be placed in the center of the long side of the table, not at either end. That would give more guests easy access to him. The hostess would work out ahead of time who sat where, typically mixing up gregarious talkers with quieter people. There would likely be place cards, but rather than searching for their places, the butler (who is well aware of the seating arragements) would direct each guest to either the right or the left. karen wrote: Also if there were, say 20 people, was there one massive rectangular dining table or smaller tables joined up or small tables scattered about the room? There would typically be one long table, though it might have been made up of smaller ones placed together. The table clothes would disguise however many tables were actually underneath. Most Georgian dining tables, though, have many extending leaves, and could easily seat 20. _________________
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Nancy
Upstart Joined: 16 Oct 2008 Posts: 12 Location: Atlanta	Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:34 pm    Post subject: Dinner party   The host escorts the highest ranking female The hostess is escorted by the highest ranking male. The highest ranking female sits on the right of the host and the highest ranking male on the right of the hostess. The next highest on their left. The highest ranking male waits back with the hostess who is the last to enter the room. The next highest male escorts the second highest ranking female who is not a member of his family-- unless his mother is high in the instep. This continues down the guest list. During the Regency period, the pairing of guests to have equal numbers of men and women had not yet become customary. The pairing like animals going into the Ark , as one woman complained, was just beginning, and was disliked by many. A hostess could have place cards or could have everyone , except the one by host and hostess, choose a seat. If there is a guest of honor, that person usurps the position next to host or hostess. In Jane Austen's circles. a bride like Mrs. Elton was given precedence at dinner parties for a year. This was not necessarily so in the haut Ton, though a bride could be the guest of honor. Royalty had its own rules and the host would be briefed on these before the dinner. A single young woman wouldn't be giving dinner parties. She wouldn't be living alone , either.A companion didn't count.
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NoirFemme
Upstart Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 25	Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 6:05 pm    Post subject:   I don't believe an unmarried woman could give dinner parties or host other social events. I recall a paragraph or two in one of my Edwardian research books, where the older generation was shocked by the rise in unmarried ladies putting on dinners and opera parties! To quote from an issue of The Queen from 1905: Quote: It is significant of the position taken up by the unmarried women of to-day that, as hostesses, they occupy a prominent place in society amongst dinner givers...unmarried ladies at that epoch [1860s] did not enter the lists as dinner givers, neither were they habitual diners out; for while their married sisters, the mothers of the present generation, were both giving entertainments and going to them throughout the London seasons, the unmarried ladies, their contemporaries, were, with but few exceptions, left out of most that society had to offer, notably dining out and giving dinners. As for etiquette of a "spinster-hostess" (including widows) of this period: Quote: Whether she is a widow or a maiden lady she should follow last, as would a married lady, and send her guests in before her. A male relative, the son of the widowed hostess, or the brother of the unmarried lady, is, when possible, asked to act as host. _________________ Edwardian Promenade // blog of all things Edwardian!
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ella1673
Influential Member of the Ton Joined: 22 Dec 2010 Posts: 202 Location: In front of my computer, England probaby London. and Indeed, only probably England.	Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:02 pm    Post subject:   Candice, you know you said Quote: The hostess would always have someone who acted as host. would that be the same for a host???? Meaning, would he have to have a hostesss??????? Very important for my book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _________________
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Candice
Queen of the Board Joined: 14 Sep 2006 Posts: 2731 Location: Minneapolis, MN	Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 11:28 am    Post subject:   ella1673 wrote: Candice, you know you said Quote: The hostess would always have someone who acted as host. would that be the same for a host???? Meaning, would he have to have a hostesss??????? Very important for my book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For a formal dinner, yes, he would need a hostess. A sister, aunt, mother, whoever. NOT his mistress, unless it is a very private dinner. Remember that after a formal meal, the men and women separate for a time, when the men stay in the dining room with port and cigars, and the ladies hang around in ther drawing room with tea. Someone needs to act as host/hostess for each of these groups. So, if a bachelor is hosting a dinner, he needs someone to lead the ladies into the drawing room. _________________
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